I'm Sorry
by DarknessGryphon
Summary: Neither boy was used to saying sorry nor were they accustomed to not being able to be satisfied with their solutions. But a relationship where they loved and hurt each other so much, it was either that or learn to let go. HitsuIchi Yaoi Slash
1. Chapter 1

DarknessGryphon, once again unable to do anything but produce fics that aren't my main fics...

Waaaaaaaa!!! I'm supposed to be doing homework and I have two chapters of psychology to go and I can't concentrate!!!! Whhhyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?!

Oh well...

WARNINGS: This fic involves yaoi, slash M/M whatever you so choose to call it. If you still don't know what I'm talking about, this fic involves GUYS in relationships with OTHER GUYS. Don't like, don't read.

PLEASE no flaming! It's pointless rude and it burns me and my muses, which hurts quite a bit. So, please have the courtesy to not make me very unhappy with you over a silly thing like flaming.

Once again, I'm going into the realm of Hitsuichi. I don't know what it is to this pairing. There is no real basis for this pairing, but my brain made the instant connection of putting them together in a super cute pairing!

I apologize in advance for any OOC-ness and inaccuracies. This takes place... whenever. I don't really know or care. It's non-canon. 

* * *

_**I'm Sorry**_

Ichigo stood at the door of one of the emergency wards in the fourth division building. He looked in on the operation taking place before him, stomach churning and tears sneaking their way past his rapidly fraying control. He was covered in the blood of the person who was in that room. The person for whom a barrier kido was set up to prevent damage from leaking reiatsu, even though the once-strong reiatsu was significatly weakened and still diminishing.

And even though Ichigo hadn't actually summoned the Hollows and he didn't ask for _his_ help, the orange-haired shinigami wouldn't accept the remarks that none of this had been his fault.

After all, if he hadn't argued with the shorter boy, Hitsugaya wouldn't have had to save him.

-X3-

Hitsugaya had come to the real world four months before under the pretense of gathering intelligence for future missions, but Ichigo had known that there was something more to it than that.

He prodded and pestered the genius taichou for a month until he had finally gotten a confession. To the substitute shinigami's surprise, the confession came in the form of a kiss. It was hesitant, frustrated, and quick, but it was a kiss all the same. To Hitsugaya's great surprise, he was not only not rejected, he was kissed back in response. As they lay out that night under the stars on the roof of the Kurosaki household, the white-haired boy explained how he had come to the real world, unable at that time to explain why Ichigo kept floating around in his thoughts until he had seen the orange-haired teen a month before. Ichigo just ruffled the taichou's hair and laughed at how cute his new boyfriend was.

Hitsugaya blushed and smiled in a little self-contained satisfaction at the word boyfriend before gaining his composure again and sat up to throw a mock glare at Ichigo, "Hn. Boyfriend or otherwise, don't get any ideas about calling me Toushiro or something. It's still Hitsugaya-taichou to you and you better not forget it."

Ichigo leveled him a wicked grin and sat up, "Oh, so Tou-chan's got a flare for dominance does he?"

Hitsugaya's raised an eyebrow, "Tou-chan?"

"It's better than Shiro-chan, isn't it?" Ichigo then launched himself at the other shinigami tickling the other boy where he could reach him.

That night, under the stars, Ichigo discovered that the sound of his Tou-chan giggling like the child he appeared to be was the best sound in the world.

-

Over the next three months, Hitsugaya lightened up to the point where he scared the living daylights out of Matsumoto when she came to visit by pulling a prank on her. She had fainted, muttering about somebody having replaced her taichou.

Ichigo had lightened up as well, he'd stopped frowning and actually gave his father a hug on one occassion at which his father had been so moved, he didn't stop crying for a week.

The girls at school all cooed over how cute they were as a couple and the boys didn't dare pick on either shinigami for fear of the other's vengence. Keigo had even proudly dubbed them HitsuIchi one fateful lunch hour and earned himself a glare from the two of them, which sent him into a dramatic fit. Of course, neither boy was paying attention to him at that point, because Ichigo had decided that it was a very good time to tickle the petit taichou.

He would _never_ get tired of that giggle.

-

Like any other couple, Ichigo and Hitsugaya were not immune to arguing, but nobody argued quite like they did.

"Would you stop checking in on Soul Society? They're obviously doing fine without you!" Ichigo growled, his frown firmly back in place.

"Kurosaki, stop complaining. I'm here with you. Don't be mad that I have responsibilities to keep!" Hitsugaya barked back, the temperature in the room going haywire.

"Responsibility? You talk to them more than you talk to me, Toushiro! I wouldn't even be able to get a call through if I needed to!"

"Why would you need to call me, Kurosaki?! I can handle myself quite well with out you to mother me! Besides, believe it or not, Soul Society needs me more than you do sometimes!" The temperature of the entire house was going decidedly southward.

"Really? So you'd leave me if your precious Soul Society told you to?!"

Hitsugaya seemed to be struggling for an answer and made his decision fueled by his anger, "Yes."

"Then I don't see what you even came here for... Hitsugaya-taichou," Ichigo whispered leadenly. Hitsugaya opened his mouth to retort, but stopped when the full force of Ichigo's words hit him. The genius captain suddenly looked very small and lost and exactly like a child.

"...I see. Goodbye then, Kurosaki." Hitsugaya hopped over to the window, sliding the pane of glass open slowly, as if hoping that Ichigo would say something and call him back. When no words came, the young taichou hovered in the open frame like he wanted to say something, but he just lowered his head and jumped out into the night, disappearing.

Ichigo crumpled to the ground, hurt beyond words because he had hurt Hitsugaya. He'd hurt his Tou-chan and that hurt more than anything. Every barrier Ichigo might have had crumbled and he began to cry.

Outside, Hyourinmaru was crying with him.

-

Hitsugaya did not appear back at school, nor was his reiatsu anywhere to be found. According to Matsumoto, who had come back to visit, the genius taichou was not back in Soul Society.

Ichigo could not stop thinking about the white-haired shinigami.

He hoped that he was safe.

On the way home from school, his substitute shinigami badge went crazy, but it seemed to be malfunctioning. His body was acting like one of Urahara's crappy gigai.

Ichigo was panicking, his body wasn't separating and the Hollows were practically on top of him.

A particularly nasty one was about to strike, but the blow never reached him. A spray of blood washed over him and in one terrible, moment, he realized that Hitsugaya, his Tou-chan, had taken a blow for him.

The petit shinigami had never seemed so worse for wear. His hair drooped, his robes had faded to an ashen grey and his zanpaktou was lying on the ground, unreachable from where they were standing, unreachable except unless he used shunpo, which didn't look like any sort of option at the moment. Ichigo was staring, gawking more like it, and something in him stirred.

The Hollows behind Hitsugaya roared in delight as the taichou's reiatsu flared up, enveloping the shinigami in blue light and casting a shadow over his face. His hakama and haori flared to black and his hands curled into fists.

"Don't just stand there, Ichigo!" Hitsugaya roared before charging into the thick of the mob of Hollows, blasting them with weak kido. The white-haired boy disappeared in the crowed of negative souls and Ichigo, spurred on by fear and concern, sprang out of his body, cutting the Hollows down until there were no more to be seen.

Forgetting about his body, the orange-haired teen rushed to his Tou-chan's side. Hitsugaya's eyes were closed, but he opened them when he felt Ichigo kneel next to him.

"Good. You aren't hurt." The young taichou attempted a smiled, but only managed a grimace of pain.

"Toushiro, you idiot. Where have you been?" the substitute shinigami admonished, despairing at the amount of blood that the other had lost.

"Urahara Shoten, trying to figure out how to same I'm sorry. I love you, Ichigo." The words were more breathed than spoken.

Ichigo, blinded by tears, grabbed Hitsugaya's spirit communicator and dialed the first number in the listed contacts.

"Hitsugaya-taichou! Where have you been?! We're all worried sick about you and that damned Urahara won't tell us anything!!" Matsumoto scolded from the end.

"Matsumoto. It's Ichigo. There's been an accident involving a mob of Hollows. I need you to open the gate for me."

"Wha- Ichigo! An accident?! What happene-"

"MATSUMOTO. OPEN THE GATE NOW. I DON'T WANT HIM TO DIE!" Ichigo yelled into the mouthpiece.

Rangiku was obviously panicked on the other end, but as any good fukutaichou should, she kept her head and ordered the gate to be opened.

Ichigo picked up Hyourinmaru, putting it between Zangetsu and his own back. Carefully collecting himself, he picked up the now unconscious tenth division taichou and waited calmly for the gate with his eyes squeezed shut.

_'Don't die Toushiro. Please, hold on.'_

-X3-

Ichigo looked down, unable to watch his Toushiro suffer, his fingernails drawing blood from his palms. He wished that anything he said would fix the situation. He wished that he could go back and stop himself from arguing with the irritable tenth division taichou. He wished that his words could reach the unconscious boy in the next room.

"I'M SORRY TOUSHIRO! I LOVE YOU!"

The words spilled out of him before he could even think of stopping them. On some plane, he reached for Hitsugaya and held on tight. On some plane, he found the white-haired taichou of the gotei 13 and merged with him.

In the current plane that they occupied, his reiatsu surged across the wards and fused with the weakening reiatsu of a certain boy genius.

Unohana and her fellow fourth division officers were stunned. And unmediated reiatsu transfusion was almost unheard of. Isane moved to her taichou's side.

"Unohana-taichou! Hitsugaya has stabilized!"

The peaceful fourth division stayed stunned for a moment, but nodded her head and let a smile spread across her gentle features, "Yes, of course. Please release the wards and let Kurosaki-san in to see Hitsugaya-taichou. If Matsumoto-fukutaichou comes you may let her in as well. Kindly remind her that she is not allowed to manhandle Hitsugaya-taichou until he has recovered. Come, let's go, Isane."

The healer marched out of the room, her fukutaichou at her heels.

Ichigo waited until most of the fourth division shinigami had left before entering the room himself. The young taichou had been cleaned up and he looked every bit a child as he slept. The orange-haired shinigami smiled fondly at the sight, heart relieved.

"Thanks for not dying, Hitsugaya-taichou."

To Ichigo's surprise, a heavy voice answered him, "Thts... To... shwro... to you... Kuro...sakey..."

The orange-teen laughed a little, "Sorry, I almost forgot... Tou-chan."

* * *

Whew! Glad that's over. It's like, 5:22 in the morning, central time, now and I haven't slept a wink yet. Please review? I know it's not that good, but i'd like feedback. I'ma gonna nap now. Gryphie out. 


	2. Broken Epilogue

DarknessGryphon lives!!!!!!

DarknessGryphon also realizes that she never put in a disclaimer! Oops!

DISCLAIMER: If I owned Bleach, do you really think I would be bumming around and writing fanfiction? If I was secretly Tite Kubo-san, don't you think that Hitsugaya and Ichigo would be a couple right now? Mhmm… yeah people, y'all are nuts if you think that I'm claiming ownership of Bleach, as much as I would like to.

DarknessGryphon would also like to thank **random nazgul, andrewhot, and lacyrelic** for reviewing. Thanks a bunch for supporting this fic guys!

Anyways, even though this fic was originally intended to be a oneshot, I decided that an epilogue wouldn't hurt, so… Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 2 **_**Broken Epilogue**_

Ichigo sat with his legs dangling over the side of the roof of Hitsugaya's apartment, watching a certain petit taichou exercise under the night sky. A small smile graced his features as he watched Hitsugaya blast moving targets (A.K.A. unseated grunts- courtesy of Zaraki Kenpachi- from the eleventh squad) with his zanpaktou in shikai form. The juban taichou had been released only three days after their run-in with the hollows and nearly readmitted once he got back into the office to find that Matsumoto was actually _completing_ the paperwork. Despite a strict warning from Unohana against strenuous activity, Hitsugaya quickly returned to work and began a vigorous training regimen.

To his credit, Ichigo had tried to stop the young genius, but had been countered by a frigid glare and an adorable pout which melted his resolve; besides, everyone knew that he couldn't refuse his little white dragon anything. But while he couldn't refuse Hitsugaya, he wouldn't just leave him alone to do anything he pleased. No, he stayed by his lover's side every possible minute of the day to ensure the juban taichou's safety. He wouldn't risk anything nearly taking his Toushiro away from him again.

Countering his closer-than-usual nature of late, the white-haired shinigami treated Ichigo in a somewhat detached manner, almost like he was trying to avoid the substitute shinigami. Ichigo wanted to put it out of his mind, but he couldn't help but think that something was wrong; that Hitsugaya wasn't telling him something. Trusting as always, the young Kurosaki dismissed the thoughts uneasily and not without difficulty, telling himself that things just must be a little awkward between them due to recent events. After all, Hitsugaya was used to having more alone time and room to brood and Ichigo did not rest easy behind the walls of Seireitei. On top of that, they had fought devastatingly and made up dramatically in the space of two days; a stressful and emotionally taxing chain of events for both of them considering that neither of them could really stand for being even a little bit wrong and they were especially unaccustomed to apologizing to anybody.

But still, Ichigo could not shake his thoughts.

Looking at the position of the moon, the substitute shinigami realized that the time was nearing midnight. Unohana would have his head if she knew that he had let Hitsugaya stay up so late training. She had begun to harbor something like dislike for the orange-haired teen of late, born of her fondness of the spiky-haired juban taichou and her disapproval for allowing her patients to push themselves too hard. After stretching momentarily, Ichigo shunpo-ed right behind Hitsugaya, his arms reaching around his dragon and gently restraining him. The petit taichou tried to spin around in surprise, but the substitute shinigami held on fast, carefully placing his lips at the crook between his lover's shoulder and neck and stretching his lips in a smile. Even sweaty and dirty, Hitsugaya always smelled so _clean_.

"It's late, Toushiro. Unohana might kill me if I let you stay up and train any longer." He expected Hitsugaya to go "Hmph" or to say something bitingly sarcastic, but his brow furrowed when the ju-ban taichou shrugged out of his grip and released Hyourinmaru, sheathing it and walking away to his quarters without a single utterance.

The uneasy thoughts resurfaced with a vengeance. There was something wrong and by the looks of it, Hitsugaya wasn't going to tell him on his own.

-

Ichigo reached the quiet apartment after the ju-ban taichou, treading with extreme care as to not disturb his Toushiro. Not seeing him in the first room, he frowned, searching for the white dragon concernedly. He found Hitsugaya sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed in little more than his undergarments, staring out of his window in deep thought. Padding into the room quietly, he set Zangetsu nest to Hyourinmaru and stripped as far as his underwear before he crossed over to the bed and touched Hitsugaya's shoulder tentatively.

"Toushiro?" He called softly, not wanting to disturb the smaller boy.

"Ichigo…" Hitsugaya whispered back, bowing his head slightly and acknowledging the orange-haired boy. There was a sadness about him, pervading his reiatsu and knifing through Ichigo's heart. The substitute shinigami leaned forward a little, forehead creased with concern.

"Toushiro, is something wro-" he began but was cut off by Hitsugaya's lips upon his. He stiffed at first from the unexpected action, but soon melted into the rare and intimate touch. But this was only fuel to the fire; there was definitely something wrong.

Pulling away for air, Ichigo looked into Hitsugaya's eyes, breath catching when he saw the absolute love pouring out of the depths of the blue-green orbs.

"Tou-" he tried once again, but Hitsugaya stopped him with another soft kiss.

"No, Ichigo. Tonight, I want to share the night with you. I want you to know… that I love you…" the smaller boy murmured against his lips, sounding unlike himself.

"I already know that you love me." The orange-haired boy murmured back.

"No, not yet…"

With those cryptic words, they fell back onto the bed and Ichigo forgot his worries as Hitsuyaga gave him the dark blanket of night and the bright light of the moon and every little star afterwards.

-

After waking up leisurely, a happy buzz still in the air, Ichigo got dressed and ready with a spring in his step. Later that day, they would be back home and Ichigo would make sure that they never had an argument that bad ever again. Hitsugaya moved sluggishly, almost reluctantly, a growing anxiety inundating his reiatsu. Ichigo should have noted that the juban taichou's control was much poorer than usual, but he was oblivious to the white dragon's distress.

In the afternoon, the high officers of the gotei 13 assembled to see them off at the portal. Ichigo stood close to the portal, close to home as he thought, but Hitsugaya stood farther back with the other leaders of the squads. The portal flared into life and Ichigo said his good-byes. Unnoticed by the substitute shinigami, perhaps because Hitsugaya was often quiet, the juban taichou had not moved from his place with the other taichou and stood, face drawn and teeth gritted with his arms crossed firmly across his chest. Ichigo turned to leap through the portal, but turned back, noticing that his dragon was not with him.

"Oi, Toushiro. You've gotta come closer if you expect to get home," the younger boy grinned extending a hand to the petit taichou. Hitsugaya stood his ground, both looking at Ichigo and trying to avoid it.

"I am home, Ichigo." The words were constricted, said while trying to refrain from showing emotion.

The grin faded from Ichigo's face and a frown replaced it, "What?"

"I'm not going back Ichigo." A cloud floated lazily across the genial blue sky.

"What do you mean? You're uninjured enough to train, so I'm sure that traveling through the portal won't kill you. C'mon. Inoue and Chado and the others are probably waiting for us on the other side."

"I'm… I have responsibilities here Ichigo. I was gone from Soul Society for four months. I can't leave. I have work to do."

Flat denial sparked in Ichigo's reiatsu. The other officers of the gotei 13 took the sudden stillness in the air as a good cue to leave; the sense of seriousness in the atmosphere weighed as much as straight out killing intent. Unohana looked back sadly, sensing the freshness of the emotional wound and wishing that there was an easier way for the two boys- both of which she had a soft spot for, although Ichigo might not have thought so- to work the situation out.

In respect to their recent disagreement, some spirit of their argument ignited stubbornness in both of them. Ichigo was incredulous, "What? Didn't we just have this argument? You aren't staying here. We're going home, to Karakura. You were doing fine operating from there."

Hitsugaya sighed, exasperated, "Don't presume that you can tell me what to do, Ichigo. Besides, you're being selfish. You had me for four months. I have responsibilities to my squad that I cannot execute from the real world. I have fresh recruits to oversee. How are they supposed to follow and respect someone they don't know?"

The substitute shinigami opened his mouth to argue, but finding no retort to Hitsugaya's words, resorted to upping the reiatsu he was pumping out, "I thought we had gotten past this. Aren't you gonna choose me over Soul Society?"

Thick, dark clouds eclipsed the usually clear sky of Soul Society, bad weather impending. The air became dangerously cold, causing any off duty shinigami to take shelter. Hitsugaya's eyes had taken on a hard edge, slamming up a wall with practiced ease, "Ichigo…"

"Ugh. I knew it! You are gonna choose Soul Society! Forget this." Ichigo made as if to jump through the portal, but Hitsugaya grabbed his sleeve, a look of pleading in his eyes unlike any that the orange-haired boy had ever seen. But in his stubbornness, he couldn't see the cry for help that the other was throwing him.

"Ichigo. You can still visit here and I can visit the real world. Don't you still love me?" The juban taichou's voice was small and frighteningly fragile.

Ichigo was merciless in his state of hurt and his own walls had slammed up, causing him to be colder than he would have liked, "Don't you still love me?"

Hitsugaya cast his eyes downwards, dropping the other boy's sleeve. A snowflake floated down between them from the large expanse of sky, followed closely by others.

"I see Kurosaki. Perhaps it's best if we break this off after all. I see no compromise. Goodbye. I- Kurosaki." And with that, the white-haired shinigami walked off in what was quickly becoming a blizzard, shoulders hunched and a forlorn air coloring his reiatsu. Ichigo reached after him briefly, as if he wanted to apologize, but clenched the hand into a fist instead, a bitter scowl on his features as he stepped through the portal, not caring for a second that he didn't say goodbye.

* * *

Whew! I have officially decided that this is a chapter fic! Oh dear… I'm working on a million fics at once now and I have many more that I haven't uploaded.

Oh Gryphie! What are you going to do now? Tame thy muses!

Anyways… to encourage me to pay attention to this one, and update every so often, please review? I love your feedback!


End file.
